Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Spreading Ourselves Thin: Gullet Stuffing Edition

In this week's edition we provide gambling tips for each of the three Thanksgiving games, paired with our indulgences at each stage of the day. (For actual winning picks dial 1-900-FUK LBMS)

Packers (-3) over LIONS: Sipping mimosas in the nude in honor of Joe Cullen.
Not an easy decision here. On one side you've got Jesus' quarterback. On the other side, America's quarterback. Let's break this one down by edibility. The Pack are all about the cheese: gouda, provolone, string, toe, it's all in the mix. Jesus too can be eaten, via the cracker. Our match-up really comes to a standstill considering you can't really enjoy a cracker without cheese, or vice versa... Wait, Green Bay's only laying three?! Shit scratch all that prior contemplation.

COWBOYS (-14) over Jets: Finishing our third Wild Turkey rocks. 'Wow, Pennington exchanged his cooterish shoulder for a real arm? Oh, nevermind that's Kellen Clemens.'
A crate of peanut-butter chocolate Koudos bars to Mangina for that punishing defensive game plan he drew up to down Pittsburgh last week. Unfortunately for the Jets, Tony Romo can slither around a bit easier back there than Benjamin, and he'll be utilizing the national stage to juice his stats and lure the attention of the next American Idol winner.

Colts (-11.5) over FALCONS:
Passing out like Mike Vanderjagt after a day of drinking funded by the pawnage of his diamond earrings.
Come on Indy, don't rail the canine like you did for much of the KC game last week. God do we hate DeAngelo Hall. Please let Reggie Wayne pearl necklace #21 for a couple of deeeeep scores.

Lastly, we leave you with Eli Roth's finest piece of work:

Happy Thanksgiving everybody.

No comments: