Friday, November 16, 2007

Spreading Ourselves Thin: Dr. Strangelove Edition

SOT is back, mercilessly, and this week we hope to break even.

Patriots (-16) over BUFFALO:
“Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed, but I do say no more then ten to twenty million killed, tops. Depending on the breaks.”
A Brady to Moss a-bomb or two will leave a handful of men down in the Buffalo secondary. These are the minimum casualties you’ve come to expect when dealing with this year’s Pats team. Each week the point spread looks bigger, longer, and more uncut. And upon first glance at this game you think there’s no way their strongest divisional opponent will be waxed that bad at home under the lights. Then you remember the Bills are led by a man who bangs Mahjong players for egg rolls, and that Marshawn Lynch’s ankle is still a little limp.

Steelers (-9.5) over JETS: “Sir, you can't let him in here. He'll see everything. He'll see the big board!”
Mangina will need to pull out all the espionage tactics he learned under Belichick to have even a needledick of hope in this one. Unfortunately he was too busy cramming bear claw-flavored hot pockets on casual cheating Fridays during his tenure with New England. Also, if Fast Willie goes another week without breaking off a 50+ yard touchdown run we’re benching him week 12 on principle – or at least downgrading his nickname to Special Olympic-Fast Willie.

Rams (-2.5) over 49ERS: “Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.”
If this game were played a few weeks back one could’ve made the argument that neither squad even deserved to play football on a football field. But now Bulger and Jackson are healthy for St. Louis, and they should put up at least 24 points on a disappointing San Francisco defense (enough to outscore the 9ers O three games over). As much as it pains us to say it, nowadays going against the 9ers is as sure of a bet as going with the Pats, or as changing the channel when Stu Scott comes on TV.

Saints (+1) over TEXANS: “Women sense my power and they seek the life essence. I, uh... I do not avoid women, Mandrake. But I... I do deny them my essence.”
Reggie Bush and Matt Leinart had the world by the balls back at USC. Leinart has since distributed his essence, and his passes, errantly. However Bush, like General Jack D. Ripper, has denied women his essence, and now earned full membership to the Endzone Country Club. Ah, jism… the root of two young pros success disparity.

Chargers (+3) over JAGUARS: “Well, I've been to one world fair, a picnic, and a rodeo, and that's the stupidest thing I ever heard come over a set of earphones.”
That quote refers to both San Diego players’ reactions to Norv’s instructions, as well as your reaction to us picking a Norv-led battalion on the road against a stifling defense.

BENGALS (-3) over Cardinals: “Mein Führer! I can walk!”
The last time we saw Marvin Lewis on the sideline, he had a crutch and his mobility was limited. Sunday, when he is solicited to prayer circle by Chris Mullin Mrs. Warner, he will resemble a slightly less manly Marion Jones sprinting to a steroid syringe.

Enjoy the games everybody.


Jesse said...

Did you choose these games based on the degree of difficulty? However I disagree with you on the Pats vs. Bills game and the Steelers Vs. Jets game. I choose to grow some balls.

Doje said...

were you drunk when you posted that comment?

Jesse said...

Nope..... Jets up 3 in the 3rd.... I'm a genius.

Doje said...

yeah, good call on the bills

Jesse said...

Yeah... put my neck out there for that one.... can I get some credit for the Jets though?

Doje said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Doje said...

yes you can. pitt's o-line did their best 9er impersonation yesterday