Friday, November 2, 2007

Hard Wood on the Hardwood: A Sneak Peak at the 07-08 NBA Season

After watching a significant chunk of that Sonics/Suns game last night we realized that, contrary to popular belief, an NBA regular season game can be entertaining. Our eyes were duct taped to the screen everytime Durant touched the ball last night and it felt good. Plus that 50-foot alley oop from Ridnour to Jeff Green, who laid it in off the backboard with teabagging gentleness, was just sexy.

Don't get us wrong, the college game still has our hearts but it was nice to have a decently enjoyable time watching a meaningless pro game in November again. And to think, if that Va. Tech game wasn't a blowout we never would have gotten the pleasure.

So without further adieu, we present a half-assed curtain warming of the upcoming rest of the NBA campaign. The standings*/awards predictions and 'who to watch for' are provided by LBMS hoop beatster Bones Foley. He won't play any defense or hustle down the court but he can really stroke that goose through the cookie jar from beyond the arc. And we felt he deserved a chance to redeem himself after picking Philadelphia to win the World Series.

THE WEST
1. Suns "Ordinary People Do Fucked Up Things When Fucked Up Things Become Ordinary" Propagandhi
2. Mavs "We Disintegrate [In June]" Nevermore
3. Jazz "Jesus Saves" Slayer
4. Spurs "Same Ol' Song And Dance" Aerosmith
5. Warriors "Fury Of The Storm" DragonForce
6. Nuggets "I'm So Stoned" Slightly Stoopid
7. Hornets "This Secret Ninja" A.F.I.
8. Sonics "Forever Young" Alphaville

THE EAST
1. Bulls "Where Idols Once Stood" Thrice
2. Heat "Droppin' Like Flies" The Real McKenzies
3. Celtics "Everyone Has AIDS" Team America
4. Cavs "I Walk Alone" Oleander
5. Pistons "One Last Caress" The Misfits
6. Magic "Five Magics" Megadeth
7. Wizards "Don't Damn Me" Guns N' Roses
8. Nets "Woke Up This Morning (Chosen One Mix)" A3

FINALS
Wizards vs. Suns (Champs)

MVP
Carmelo Anthony

COMEBACK PLAYER
Kenyon Martin

ROOKIE OF THE YEAR
Kevin Durant

MOST GUNSHOTS FIRED BY A TEAM CAPTAIN
Stephen Jackson

LEAST STDs CONTRACTED
Andrei Kirilenko

MOST DENNY'S GRAND SLAMS ORDERED
Greg Oden

WHO TO WATCH FOR
Delonte West, Boston - True scorer (Ed. Note: he can really light it up.)
Matt Barnes, Golden State - Barnes hustles like Byrnes (But isn't extreme enough to kayak over convenience store aisles.)
Danny Granger, Indianapolis - If he doesn't put up numbers... who will on the Pacers?
LaMarcus Aldridge, Portland - The Bulls might regret trading this guy
Raymond Felton, Charlotte - With the addition of J-Rich he'll have plenty of dime opps

*Team theme songs in italics
Photo, sans caption, courtesy Lion in Oil

4 comments:

Doje said...

how does carmelo win the mvp and kenyon get the comeback player yet the nuggets only finish 6th?? is this the logic used when you claimed pujols would be a one-year wonder?

Jesse said...

Stranger things have happened! Take a look at last year's MVP.... Dirk Nowitzki? Maybe the MVP on the German team but certainly not the NBA. He even admitted that he was "ashamed" to accept the award last year. I think the NBA will get wise to the fact that maybe you don't have to be the best player on the best team (record wise) to win the MVP. As far as K-Mart winning the comeback player of the year.... if he puts up 10 and 8 thats a huge impact on a depleted Nuggets team compared to his 2 games played last year. Or what about this idea.... Kelenna Azubuike winning the award? But wait... he never left the NBA! The Warriors just snagged him from the NBADL where he was the leading scorer! Kelenna referred to the Shout Out Louds song, "Don't Call It A Comeback", when asked about the possibilities of this prestigious award. In addition to my "players to watch for" Azubuike should draw some attention this year in the NBA. After all, he is the reason the Warrior's felt confident trading J-Rich away.

Doje said...

sharp stuff... did you take a speedball before that post? must have been some type of performance enhancer

Jesse said...

Must have been some of the fumes that I inhaled while gassing up the forklift. Shout Out Louds song is actually called "The Comeback"... but they say "don't call it a comeback" in the song.... there's always gotta be some hiccup in my art work. Suten Fuck!