Canton Calling

Saturday's "football game" at the Rose Bowl featured the best all-around quarterbacking performance to touch grass since Garo Yepremian's Super Bowl VII wizardry.

Kempt, Leaf, Roper, Olson, and Rasshan lit up the secondary to the tune of 15 for 56 passing, 169 yards, 0 touchdowns, 5 interceptions and 10 sacks.

Calling that aerial assault the Speed II: Cruise Control of gunslingage would be an insult to KeanO*.

Dennis Dixon would have accounted for more points playing in a casket, buried under the turf.

At least for the fans' retinas sake, the Ducks weren't wearing their crossing guard vests.

*Oh wow that's right, even Johnny Utah was too good for that naughty nautical narrative.