Monday, November 19, 2007

Lavender Lucifer Pitchforks Fantasy Opposition

"Boom, baby!"

*Full-body fist pump*

"The Molester strikes again!!"

*Celebratory goat slaying*

All four actions could be heard and felt Sunday from fantasy owners who had the gumption and initiative to pick up Minnesota's Chester Taylor.

The waiver wire withdrawal was so easy, its results so immediate, it made taking candy from a baby look like taking candy from a fucking mountain lion.

Creating 160 yards and three scores out of thin air in week 11 is a magic act not even Purple Jesus could execute. In fact, it's now becoming quite evident that the Lavender Lucifer (formerly Chester the Molester) has performed the cruelest, most sinister of all acts. And one lucky bastard in every fantasy league across America is reaping the infernal reward.

Fed up with all of Jesus' accolades, LL sent a round of mind bullets to the former-Sooner savior's knee last week at Lambeau. Now, with the goody-goody sidelined, behind the behemothy offensive line of the Vikings, LL has begun his fiery reign of satanic carnage.

Lavender Lucifer, we thank you. The playoff push is coming and we could not be more glad to have such a beezlebubbian presence aboard this starboard-facing ship.

Enjoy our souls LL, we'll certainly enjoy bathing in your possessed production.

1 comment:

Jesse said...

Hmmm... was hoping to be mentioned. How quickly we forget.