Saturday, November 10, 2007

Locomotive Derailed En Route to Asian Paradise

Evin "The Locomotive" Murphy finds time to belt out taint-tingling prose for LBMS from his real estate office in Santa Cruz, CA. In this edition, he has lost his mind, along with every single chip in his stack. The Loco has such a sophisticated and labyrinthine mental capacity that upon first glance this entry appears to have no sporting relevance whatsoever! Well, that is dead-on correct wrong. Fret not simpletons, we'll help guide you through with some cliffs notes in italics as you read along.

What’s in the news? What’s in the news? What’s in the news? The Big Ten's "elite" are overrated and underhung once again. Notre Dame may finally have a nurturing home!

Peet’s coffee in Scotts Valley
doesn’t have wireless internet. It’s like driving to a liquor store to discover they don’t sell cigarettes, of any kind. Or reading a sports blog that doesn't provide any sports commentary.

I discovered this farcical factoid last Thursday night. After I cast off the shackles of parental internet filtration (left the house) I began a voyage to ferret out new and exciting Asian fetish hardcore sites. Naturally I went to Peet’s, laptop in hand.

Instead of being met with fanfare, rapid upload speeds, and a cult of personality I was met by a smug, metrosexual, black-nailed barista who informed me: “no, sorrryyyy... we doonnnn’t have internet access.” Ludicrous. Murph was actually served by a finger-wagging Dikembe Mutumbo.

With no internet access, I had no contingency plans. No reading material, a laptop, and $2 cup of Major Dickason’s blend: “a very full bodied, complex, rich and smooth blend. A coffee born of friendship... a coffee that has gained a reputation among coffee lovers for its satisfying, rich and mellow (some say comforting) flavor... the coffee that many of our customers identify with Peet’s.” Not me. No, I shall forever identify Peet’s with the stagnated AZN section of my digital erotica library. No AZN, no fun. With the exception of this one.

So there you go sports fans. Ichiro’s dancing on YouTube will have to tide me over. You bet. Please mail all AZN smut and cash donations to PO Box 714, Santa Cruz, CA 95060. Care of Mr. Miyagi. Mahalo.

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