PHILADELPHIA -- Jon Runyan was having a good day on the field Sunday, and a real nailbiter off of it. With his real team all but assured victory over rival Dallas, but his fantasy team holding on by the slimmest of margins, Runyan had to take matters into his own hands to ensure a fantasy Super Bowl appearance.
"I was going up against the guy with Westbrook," Runyan said. "Since Brady fucked the dog for me against the Jets I couldn't afford to have Westbrook get in the zone on our last drive. I was only up [by] five points."
Fortunately for the lineman's fantasy squad, RunyanDMC, Westbrook obeyed his large blocker and hit the turf just shy of the goal line in the game's closing minutes.
"After years of having my team choke in the playoffs, I finally had to step in and help myself," Runyan said. "I told Brian I owe him a rack of barbecue spare ribs for the favor."
RunyanDMC is set to square off against Mr. Dad-gorium's Drug Emporium, managed by Britt Reid, for the league championship week 16.
"With that little weasel now clear-headed behind bars and off the brownstone," Runyan added. "I've got my work cut out for me."