Saturday, December 1, 2007

A Dark New Day in Equine Gambling Circles

Already under fire by twelve steppers and politicians the nation over for its promotion of congenital gambling, horse racing was TKOd today by a congressional donkey punch, banning the sport nationwide.

Congress’s aggressive move received praise from a number of political figures. Global warming mobster Al Gorelioni stated: “Horse flatulence is a serious issue. Methane gas is 20 times as damaging to the ozone layer as carbon dioxide, and the methane gas flatulated by a single one of these monstrous, sweat covered, glistening, hormonally stimulating, beasts in a single day is enough to fill 150 2-litre soda bottles... and that’s a lot of Horsey Cola.”

Hillary Clinton commented: “It’s not that I have a problem with whipping… I have a problem with grandiose carbon hoof prints.”

Reverend Jesse Jackson screeched: “I’ve never seen a brother whipping the shit out of a white horse! Despicable. Little white men riding big powerful blacks to victory. It’s degrading, it’s enraging, it’s enslaving, it’s perpetuating, and it’s engraving our young black folks with an image of white domination. Psychologically it’s damaging! Period.”

Social scientists believe that horse racing will be pushed south of the border and into small underground betting circles.


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