Bob Hartley, head coach of the Atlanta Thrashers was fired by the team Wednesday on the heels of an 0-6 start. Read: 7-percent through the season.
In a non-televised press conference after the announcement, General Manager Don Waddell lamented that the club had no other option. "No team has ever gone winless in its first six games and come back to make the playoffs. There's just not enough time. We're f---ing done. It is a shame that we had to let a rookie coach go. But our hopes and prayers do go out to him and his family that his old job at Louisville is still there."
Waddell reportedly had been heard asking team officials last week as to why the field looked so white and even stated that there seemed to be "about half the amount of players running around as usual" during a recent Atlanta home game. The GM has also been witnessed, on multiple occasions, screaming "it's all Ookie's fault!" while sprinting through the halls, arms flailing, of the team's practice facility.
Waddell will assume interim coaching responsibilities following the departure of Hartley (who, by the way, won the Stanley Cup with Colorado in 2001).
In related news, the American Mental Disability Association has since awarded Waddell with a special sparkly star for his courage in taking on the responsibility.
"We find it heart-warming that Don is not held back by his handicap," AMDA spokesman Martha Rothchild said. "We wish him nothing but the best of luck throughout the rest of the season. Oh, and one more thing: it is the official position of the AMDA that it will not offend us if you go ahead and wager against the Thrashers from here on out."