Another doozy of a college football Saturday which saw the No. 2 Prophylactics get torn by a thick gob of Stanford tree sap; an SEC poontastic battle in Lewsyanna; and coach Mike Gundy picking up a weekday gig.First off, a truly jawesome job of preparation by coach Michael Scott and his Dunder-Mifflin Trojans against Harbaugh and the Red Forest:
Monday's (Oct. 1) team meeting: "Men, [Stanford's] starting a quarterback with 3 career pass attempts. And they've been pearl necklaced by everyone they've faced this year. Go ahead and spend the week with your heads in the sand and just try to show up Saturday sober enough to at least wobbel out of the tunnel. But I mean the game is on that hockey channel so it's certainly not imperative for appearance's sake. Ya know I'll tell you what, just try to lay off the moonshine pregame. Ok thanks I need to go meet Will Ferrell to practice our synchroswim routine. See you at the Rose Bowl, lol oops I mean the Coliseum!"
As for the real game on Saturday night, three words were the difference in the LSU win: Jacob Fucking Hester. If you need 50 inches on 4th down against an 11-man front, he'll move the chains. If there is a jailbreak to the backfield and he is arm-wrapped at the waist and the legs, he'll break through and move the chains. If a linebacker has a hole plugged, he'll split their helmet in pieces and move the chains. If you need a tool to demolish a large building in a matter of minutes, he'll gladly be at your service. And then he will once more move the chains.
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