Tuesday, October 16, 2007

McCarver Inching Closer Toward Kindergarten Graduation

Ed. Note: Transcribed from a parent-teacher conference.

First, the good news on your child. Little Timmy has mastered the science of matching round cogs in round holes and square cogs in square holes (though he is still struggling with the triangles). Plus, a while back he showed tremendous restraint after getting a sport drink dumped on his head in the locker room. And he has been cutting back on his urination troubles.

However we are concerned that he has not fully grasped the concept of numbers. This problem really reared its ugly head on national television during the bottom fifth/top sixth of the FOX ALCS game 4 broadcast. Timmy simply could not comprehend the idea that it's more likely to score multiple runs when you already have 1, rather than if you don't have any!
Timmy (paraphrased): "Believe it or not, Joe, in 2007 when a team led off an inning with a home run, it led to more multiple-run innings than when a team led off an inning with a lead-off walk! It doesn't seem like that would be the case." (Ed. Note: Awful Announcing, please find some video proof of McCarver's dillusional monologue)
Umm, yeah, so as we mentioned we are a little worried about young Timmy's understanding of math, or more specifically, counting. Fortunately we were able to slip a warm thermos of milk into the booth and tuck him in for a half-inning nap. Next time, we will have to send him home and slot Bill James into the broadcast seat. Ok? Great.

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