Thursday, April 17, 2008

Things To Do In Denver When Driving Krunk

Since we're feeling a little frisky tonight, we thought we'd pull some NBA playoff predictions out of the bottom of this wild turkey. Literally, these picks were retrieved from the gullet of a bucking bird, scribed on tiny, fortune-cookie sized slips. Here are the first couple matchups:

1. LA Lakers vs. 8. Denver Nuggets
If I'm George Karl, I'm replacing my dancers with 12 young women who look like this. And then I'm ordering my opponent son to helm the wheel of Melo's Mercedes. Then I'm going to masturbate furiously in the locker room before each and every game, project my essense on the team whiteboard, and hope the jizm resembles a new, creative, gameplan with which to not get swept.

Denver is spunky and they've got the talent to win a few games in this series. However if Karl doesn't follow those above-mentioned steps to the tee, they don't make it to next weekend (game two). Lakers in five.

2. New Orleans Hornets vs. 7. Dallas Mavericks
Earlier this year we wagered a friend $1,000 that 49ers behemoth Patrick Willis was headed for Canton. We'd be willing to place a bet of the same stakes that Chris "Basket" Paul is on his way to Springfield, or wherever the NBA hall happens to be. He's phenomenal. He could take four WNBA players and they'd give any five the Special Olympic squad throws on the court a run for their money.

Can't pick against Dallas here though. Just can't. Want to. Can't. Don't want to see Cuban's manzere strap jostling loose of his shirt-jersey from a DDR-esque celebration after a Hornets missed crunch-time free throw. But that was too easy to picture. Mavs in seven.

More predictions coming before the playoffs begin, we would assume.


jesse said...

Giving The Hornets way 2 much credit!
Nice team... but they're still playing in diapers.
(1)Lakers VS. (8)Nuggets
Kobe in 6
(4)Jazz VS. (5)Rockets
Mormons in 5
(3)Spurs VS. (6)Suns
Bowen steps on every Suns player in 6
(2)Hornets VS. (7)Mavericks
Hornets are better but Dirk Diggler in 5
(1)Lakers VS. (4)Jazz
Fisher's huge 3 to win it in 6
(3)Spurs VS. (7)Mavericks
Mavs in 7
Conference Finals:
(1)Lakers VS. (7)Mavericks
Huge playoff push Mavs in 7

jesse said...

(1)Celtics VS. (8)ATL
Boston George in 4
(4)Cavs VS. (5)Wilards
Toss up Cavs in 7
(3)Magic VS. (6)Raptors
David Blaine in 6
(2)Pistons VS. (7)Sixers
Pistons a 2 seed?? Disgrace to the NBA but Pistons in 6 I guess
(1)Celtics VS. (4)Cavs
Triple Threat in 6
(2)Pistons VS. (3)Magic
Magic in 5
Conference Finals:
(1)Celtics VS. (3)Magic
Upset special Orlando Bloom in 6

jesse said...

(3)Magic VS. (7)Mavs
Trading for Kidd paid off, Mavs win it all in 6. Mavs had something to prove after last years loss to the Warriors.... def proved it with their first title ever?

Make sure to check out my regular season predictions. I've been wrong before.

Doje said...

wow, strong with the magic... ballsy.

i'll go lakers over spurs in the west. pistons over celtics in east. lakers over pistons for title.