LOS ANGELES -- University of Southern California athletic director Michael Garrett announced Tuesday that incoming basketball recruit Percy "Lil' Romeo" Miller will not, under any circumstances, have his jersey hung from the rafters at the Galen Center.
"Even if the kid were to make me say 'uhhh na na na na,'" Garrett said. "His projected 1 point and 2 turnover per game output would not get his number close to qualifying for retirement."
The proclomation came on the heels of North Carolina announcing that its All-American junior forward Tyler Hansbrough's number is set to be retired at the conclusion of the "bug-eyed bulldog's" collegiate career.
"It may seem premature, but it needs to be known," Garrett added. "So my advice to the Snickelodeon lobby is to lay off myself and our entire athletic department."
Miller was performing a concert for the Girl Scouts of America at press time, and could not be reached for comment.