Monday, June 23, 2008

Handicapping the College World Series Final

The championship series of the CWS begins this evening in Omaha and pits the number four regional seed Fresno State Bulldogs against the number eight national seed Georgia Bulldogs.

Picking the winner is normally a quite easy task, as the the school with the tougher mascot has won every year since 1998 (Trojans over Sun Devils; in reality, a devil will corrode the soul of even the strongest-willed warrior, but USC happened to prevail in the baseball matchup ten years ago).

But considering this year features a battle of mascots of the same breed, an anomaly that hasn't occured in the CWS's 61-year history, we'll need to analyze the logos to uproot our answer.

Fresno State (above, left) pros: Bulldog assumes a strong, wide stance and yields Popeye-calibur forearms; compensates for jowels with chiseled body; pigeon-pawed, giving it a steady center of gravity; looks like the milky cousin of that demon dog from Ghostbusters.

Georgia pros: Battle-ready intensity, complete with prototypical Bulldog underbite; razor-sharp spikes on collar; cap, although erring on the circus-tent side looks-wise, implies a more advanced baseball capacity than it's nude-domed FSU counterpart; wrinkly (savvy); bloodshot eyes, possibly indicating rabies.

Fresno State cons: Cross-eyed, mouth agape; rounded, bulbous spikes on collar; bright-white teeth, smooth face, indicators of pampering, thus lowering kennel cred.

Georgia cons: No body; apparent cauliflower ear; red, blood-like substance above collar, evidence to decapitation as reason for lack of body; bloodshot eyes, possibly indicating the dog is high.

Consensus: Even though the signs point towards a Fresno State win, we can't rule out a mascot that has chomped at opposing players in the past. Georgia in three.

No comments: