LBMS Films Presents: Forgetting Brandon Marshall

From the producers of The 40-Year-Old Quarterback and Knocked Up By Travis Henry comes a comic look at one guy's arduous quest to grow up and get over the heartbreak of losing a blossoming elite receiver -- if he can only make himself start Forgetting Brandon Marshall.

Struggling fantasy owner Peter Bretter (Jason Segel, How I Met Your Mother, Freaks & Geeks) has spent four months idolizing his wide-out, Denver Broncos star Brandon Marshall (Brandon Marshall, Central Florida). He's the guy left cleaning up television shards and accidentally omitted from post-game interviews. But his world is rocked when the non-keeper league’s season ends and Peter finds himself alone.

After an unsuccessful bout of fantasy baseball and an on-the-job nervous breakdown, he sees that not having Brandon may just ruin his life. To clear his head, Peter takes an impulsive trip to Oahu, where he is confronted by his worst nightmare: his ex-player and a gaggle of drooling, prospective new Marshall fantasy-owners, sharing his hotel! But as he torments himself with the reality of Brandon's potential new team, he finds relief in a flirtation with Calvin (Calvin Johnson, Georgia Tech), a talented off-season resort employee whose large hands and tremendous athletic ability tempts him to rejoin the world of off-season draft preparation. He also finds relief in several hundred embarrassing, fruity cocktails.

For anyone who has ever felt it move after a sleeper-turned-star's touchdown comes a heartfelt look at fantasy male relationships -- featuring Wes Welker, Tony Romo, Santonio Holmes and Minnesota D. Part romantic comedy, part guy-yearning yarn, Forgetting Brandon Marshall is the world’s first borderline gay romantic comedy.

Cleveland Clubber Adopts Cranium-Crushing Conditioning Program

When we last saw Travis Hafner he was swinging lightly, and striking even lighter. Well, Pronk has since undergone a new off-season workout regimen that's sure to leave AL pitchers bloodied come next spring.

Hafner played the part of Anton Chigurh, a ruthless killer, in the Coen brothers' latest film No Country for Old Men. Indians manager Eric Wedge hopes the role will improve his desingated hitter's mental toughness, murderous instinct, and ability to recognize a slider.

Personnel on the set provided Hafner additional practice opportunities as well.

"In between takes we let Pronk swing at a piñata which we told him was a live goat made of cowhide," Co-director Joel Coen said. "We would fill it with red jolly ranchers to resemble actual blood."

Hafner's lumbering figure, ogre-soft voice, and passion for children's nursery rhymes made him an instant hit with the cast and crew. Makeup coordinator Stacy Keebler considers Hafner the easiest job she's ever had.

"When he first came onto set he was bald," Keebler said. "Ethan [Coen] just told me to go for a 'Mr. Larson without the nail in his head' look. Luckily I came across some squirrel roadkill which I had Travvy skin. That night I had it tailored to fit, and presto! Anton Chigurh was born."

Hafner became so fond of the role, he is now reportedly lobbying to Indians hitting coach Derek Shelton that he be able to use a cattle stun gun in the batter's box for the 2008 season.

"It's a step in the right direction," Shelton said. "With Trav, that's all we can ask for."

Ebert & Roeper Give It 'Two Sausage Thumbs Up'

FROM THE PRODUCERS THAT BROUGHT YOU SCREAMING AT HIGH SCHOOL REFS AND SPITTING AT HOT DOGS COMES A FILM INSPIRED BY RECE DAVIS' "THE VELVET FOG" MANGINO REFERENCE

An island off the Kansas City streets is the setting for this salty yarn of ghosts, lepers, pigskin, vengeance, and maple bar angst. A fog-enshrouded schooner (Mark Mangino) from 1956 returns from the bottom of Youngstown State to wreak vengeance on the buffet tables of the Big-12, and it's up to Missouri QB Chase Daniel (Selma Blair), her charter-boat-captain lover, Gary Pinkel (Tom Welling, from TV's SMALLVILLE), and his wayward girlfriend, Quinn Snyder (Maggie Grace, from TV's LOST), to slay the unbeaten. All three are related to the town's founding fathers, with whom the Jayhawk ghosts have an ancient score to settle. What that score is no one seems to know, but they need to find out, fast.

Tony Temple (TAILBACK) provides cutback relief as Chase's lusty first mate, but the real scene stealer here is the fog itself, which is much more robust than in the 1980 John Carpenter original. Thanks to some nice Cheese Steak work, it slithers in, around, and under everything. Though gussied up with BCS implications and corn-fed young players, THE FOG is, at heart, a good old fashioned football game, replete with uniforms and intra-conference romance. Commissioner Kevin Weiberg (BIG TWELVE) is good at capturing little details like the eerie tinkling of ranch dressing dripping to the floorboards, the textures of moisture-beaded gullet, and the perfectly toned mustache of lead actor Mangino as he wanders around in his velour tracksuit. On Nov. 24, THE FOG oozes into Arrowhead.

(Film synopsis edited from Rotten Tomatoes)

Don't Getcha Popcorn Ready

FROM THE PRODUCERS THAT BROUGHT YOU PETER WARRICK, DAVID TERRELL, AND MIKE WILLIAMS

Michael Clayton (Michael Clayton) is a fantasy football "fuck-up" on one of the largest NFL teams in Florida. A former LSU standout, Clayton takes care of fantasy owners' excessive point production at the behest of the team's head coach Chucky Gruden (John Gruden). Though burned out and hardly content with his job as a FF fuck-up, his brick hands, a failed health venture and mounting zeros have left Clayton inextricably tied to the waiver wire. For his FF owners, meanwhile, the prospect of a super-.500 season rests on the ability of Clayton to string together ten or more healthy games in a year. But when Tampa Bay's brilliant and bald-headed midget quarterback PowerAlley Garcia (Jeff Garcia) throws touchdowns to tight ends, Clayton faces the biggest challenge of his career and his life: 0% ownage.

(Film synopsis edited from Rotten Tomatoes)